Living; noun; L I V I N G Definition: The means of maintaining life. Life; noun; L I F E Definition: The animate existence of an individual. Individual; noun Definition: A person. Person; noun Relative definition: Me
For all of my life I have relied on definitions to teach me how this world works. I thought I already knew what it meant to be alive, but I have recently discovered just how wrong I used to be.
There are only two things in this world that make me feel actually alive and I’ll have you know that one of them comes in the form of self destruction but the other is performing while on this stage and I swear the sound of snaps reminds me that I have the ability to 1. Hear. An audience full of smiles and crossed legs, frowns and distracted hands reminds me that I can 2. See. I can 3. Smell the ink from every single notebook tucked inside the bags that enter this room. I can still 4. Taste the blood in my mouth from biting my lip so tightly when I heard a poem so powerful that it forced me to cave in on myself. And each speck of dust my arms come across 5. Touches me more deeply and is more comforting to me than any home I have ever known.
We have been taught to believe our whole lives that there are only 5 senses but I believe that there are 9. 6. Temperature I swear my chest is warmer than the sun right now because a heart this heavy from being drenched with gratitude can’t help but radiate heat. 7. Balance I was never any good at gymnastics; my body didn’t know how to be steady, and now neither does my mind I rely on scientific nature to maintain my homeostasis and my brain only knows how to rebel against my body but being here and performing is a better medication than I could ever ask for. 8. Pain I said before that when my skin stings I know that I am human, but my god I prefer these aching callused hands and the intense determination it takes to keep my eyes open after a sleepless night of writing countless poems any day. 9. Proprioception I can tell where the parts of my body are without looking at them and I know that I am here and I am with you and you are alive and I am alive and I… I am alive.
If That’s Not Beautiful (Math; prompted poem 30/52) // n.f.
After years of being told otherwise in school, I am fed up with art teachers who have tried to prove me wrong; Don’t you dare tell me that math is not an art.
There is beauty in completion and satisfaction and I may not be able to be your Picasso but I sure as hell can rationalize your fractions and give you a worldly distraction through the means of sheer subtraction.
"Real" artwork may pull at your heartstrings but mathematics challenges that by captivating your mind; My mind refuses to sit still. So when a demon takes control of my thoughts I give it algebra instead because my brain is just a stomach that refuses to feel full so i feed it equations, and mathematics is so beautifully foreign that nothing else matters in life when you dive into seemingly meaningless numbers and lines. It is a foolproof escape from the world and if that’s not beautiful, then I don’t know what is.
Take a moment to realize that numbers are not nouns; they are adjectives. You cannot hold 2 in the palm of your hand but you can feel 2 hearts beating conjoined by a love for computation. And you cannot see a billion but you can see the skin cells that compose everyone you have ever loved and if that’s not beautiful then I don’t know what is.
Call me egotistical but knowing that fixed answers exist and i can find them in the matter of mere seconds reminds me that maybe I can tackle this world and if that’s not beautiful then i don’t know what is.
You can travel anywhere in the world and while symbols may be different, if you have 57 watermelons and take 10 away, whether you are in China or Brazil or Russia or Iceland, you will always have 47 left. Math, like music, is universal. It joins us in an unfathomable way and if that is not beautiful, then my god I don’t know what is.
I learned two years ago that flowers of any size, color, or shape naturally grow petals at precise angles to make sure each petal gets the maximum amount of sunlight, and plants, these insentient beings, have spirals in numbers of a mathematical series and if that’s not completely magical then i don’t know what is.
Did you know that in flat geometry the sum of angles in all triangles must be equal to or less than 180 degrees but in spherical geometry it must always be greater than 180 degrees. And did you know that when you take the words I write on 2D paper and give it a 3D presentation it hits an audience harder than you can imagine, and we all know poetry is a form of art, so tell me do you still think mathematics isn’t?